

The Church of Life, Lust and Laughter!
by Kelly Wilde
I am often asked, "What is the Real Wild Church all about?" To describe it in a few words is impossible because over the years it has
been through so many stages and changes and – truth be told – got nowhere. Probably the best way I can illustrate it is to say it is a reflection
of me and my outlook on life, and therefore I need to to tell you a
bit about me and where I stand on certain issues. Switch off any time
you get bored.
ABOUT ME
I am a mature-aged bisexual, heretical, skeptical, political, compassionate, gothic
transvestite. My two favourite quotes are:
"The mind gives meaning to anything but the meaning it gives is
meaningless."
J. Krishnamurti
"The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all
progress depends on the unreasonable man."
George Bernard Shaw
If you can grasp the import of those two quotes you are more than half
way towards understanding what I and the 'Real Wild Church' are all about.
I love children, nature, animals, Rock 'n' Roll, outrageous humour,
crossdressing and deviant sex. I have been attracted to the trappings
of Satanism since my early teens but not to the real deal. I don't
believe in gods – good or bad – but I'm attracted to the idea of
"virgins" being gang-banged on altars draped in black satin.
THE PAST
In 1982 my business (adult publications) was closed down by influential members
of the Catholic Church – godsucking ratbags. I decided to fight back by studying
the bible and exposing it as a fraud. In 1983 I met Dr Madalyn Murray O'Hair
(President of America Atheists) who convinced me that christian fundamentalists
were deliberately trying to trigger a nuclear war to bring their stupid Jesus thing back to
Earth.
"What we see demonstrated in the United States is a fundamentalist desire for an Armageddon, an egging on of President Reagan towards a nuclear holocaust. This will be a fullfilment of bible prophesy."
Madalyn Murray O'Hair
I spent the next twenty years trying to rally support for my survival
initiative but got nowhere. People seemed obsessed with everything
except survival. Total global nuclear war won't matter so long as the
price of petrol doesn't rise too steeply.
THE PRESENT
I now realise that nothing I say or do will make a scrap of difference
as far as nuclear annihilation is concerned. People are OK about it so
long as interest rates remain stable. So I decided to abandon that
side of my life. Twenty years is long enough to bang one's head
against a brick wall.
Instead I decided to concentrate on the sexual aspect of the Real Wild Church.
Previously I had tried to keep the two things separate. The
RWC would handle the political side of things and the Luciferion
Order would take care of the sexual side of things. But now it seems
pointless keeping them separate seeing as there is only the one focus
– sex.
THE DREAM
What I plan to do is build a social structure which serves as a 'church' for the
millions of people who have abandoned traditional religion. The Real Wild Church is a church in
the sense that it provides companionship, emotional support and FUN! Everyone's welcome, straight, bi, gay, transgender, singles, couples, teenagers, families. The only requirement is that you be able to think outside the sq... cross.
THE CHALLENGE
The challenge is finding a way to convey to people what it is I want to do. The
only way I can think of is to form a small but dedicated group of people who are
willing to tell few other people. It's called networking. If money was involved
it would be called Multi Level Marketing.
LIGHTBULB!
Perhaps it should involve money! Understanding human nature as I do I'm aware
that for any movement to catch fire there needs to be an element of emotion
involved. Religions work because "god" loves you and if you believe all the
right things you'll go to heaven. What else works? Rock concerts work. Music has
always had the power to move and influence people.
And money works!
Years ago I attended an Amway festival of greed at the Sydney Convention Centre
and I was struck by the similarity between it and a christian revivalist
meeting. People were sobbing with joy when each successive "Double Diamond
Executive" was introduced to the crowd.
So why don't we employ the same tactics? Join the 'Real Wild Church' and earn a great deal of money! OK, but how? We need a product to sell and it needs to be
authentic or the Trade Practices people will close us down.
I have such a product, it's worth $30 a month of anyone's money.
THE PLAN
We start with a handful of people who meet once a month to discuss policy. We
decide on a plan to encourage other people to join the group, who will in turn
invite more people into the group, and so on...
We need to be clear about who it is we're trying to attract. Initially anyway
we're looking for people who are sick to death of organised religion. They don't
need to be atheists, just people who are disillusioned with holy bullshit and
who would like to see something better established.
The Real Wild Church will offer people:
Friendship
Fun!
Emotional support
Social activities
A meaningful existence
Wealth
Sex!
THE FUTURE
Once we're established and we have several hundred supporters we will hold
outdoor torchlight parades with music and dancing and anything we can think of
to draw attention to ourselves and to the RWC. Imagine the Nazi rallies but marching for the
good of mankind instead of its downfall. Yes I know it sounds fanciful but I
wouldn't be doing this if I was incapable of projecting ahead and visualising
the possibilities.
The difficult part will be setting the ball rolling. Once it's rolling there
will be no stopping it and we will grow at an astonishing rate, even without
trying.
Are you interested enough to give it a go? Real Wild Church
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